A Daughter's Advice

Driving around Auckland and being misled by Ms. GPS made a 46min drive, a 1hr 30min drive.  Well, it made time for some deep conversations with my girls.  

This past week they have spent time with my mum.  Love watching them joke around with her and playing cards with her.  Always playing cards.  An old time favourite that I'm grateful my girls share with my parents.  In that week they've spent time with her, they've also observed interactions between her and I.  Observations they shared with me on our long drive around Auckland.

To know me, is to know where I've come from.  You'll read about my relationship with my mum here "Insights of a Virtuous Woman".  I have an amazing relationship with my mum now and she has an amazing compassionate heart for others.  In saying that, the appreciation for my mum hasn't always been there.  So when we do get together, which are very few times now that she is retired and lives in the islands, the old ways of her daughter from our early days shows her face.

On our drive I asked my girls on their thoughts about my interactions with my mum and this is what they shared:

  • You start to talk loud as if to get attention, when you talk to Nana
  • Try to calm down before you talk to Nana about things
  • You don't talk to her like your her daughter, you talk to her like your her mother
  • You tell us not to do things, but you do it to Nana
  • Maybe show more respect
  • Have more patience with Nana

It wasn't easy to hear this from my girls (11yo + almost 9yo).  For a mother our role is to teach our children, right? But I tried to receive this with an open mind + peaceful heart and it was hard to do so feeling choked up.  I am grateful that my girls could share their thoughts with me and not hold anything back and for them to know in their hearts and minds that I would take it on board with the attitude to change.

Refinement is about refining my character, my person, my attitude, my way of living.  The process of refinement means to take on every and any experience as a learning.  This experience has been a huge and humbling learning, listening to my girls share how mummy has not been a good example to them and reassure me that everyone makes mistakes and we are not perfect.  

My hope is for many more opportunities of growth and refinement between my girls and I.The lesson in that for me is to not be ashamed of being a mother who makes mistakes but show my girls humility in my errors.